Pro Memoria : Yet Another Chapter From the Infirmary by Typhoid Mary

Typhoid Mary is still kicking through the Plague

When I die, I promise that I will come back to visit my loved ones as a Harpy Eagle.  

I was listening to Morbid Podcast (10/10 recommend)

It's a strange time.  Winnipeg is under pretty firm restrictions right now, and it's disheartening to see how many people are actively resisting these measures - completely missing that the less they work with advisories, the longer the advisories will be in effect.  Like, figure it out, 10-ply.

Of course it's difficult.  Clearly, it sucks.  It's the plague, not a Mediterranean holiday, Chad.  And no, I promise you that it's not the "NEW WORLD ORDER" that is performing a "GREAT RESET" on the planet.  If this is what it looks like, then the NWO really needs to review their financial practices; governments are bleeding money.

But, I digress...because these are debates that I don't bother wasting my time with.  

Stating that, I do want to spend valuable energy and time figuring myself out.  I want to figure out where to invest myself.  This pandemic isn't going anywhere soon (thanks, "freedom fighters"), and so it's a golden opportunity for all of us to take time to re-frame and rebuild ourselves.

Today was different.  I woke up to find that my dear Liz (happy birthday!) had fulfilled my request for a card reading.  It was...perfect.  It offered insight and direction. It confirmed a couple of things for me, and answered other questions I've been asking myself, lately.

My morning routine went as usual; get breakfast and lunch ready for the kiddo, get my tasks organized for the day, check in with my team.  Take kiddo to school, drop my mom off at work.  This usually goes pretty seamlessly, as we've all worked to create a seamless chain of events.

When I got home, though...I've been settling myself in with some coffee, my laptop, and take root at my desk or the couch, and plow through my work day like that.  But that didn't happen today.  I got my email in order, drank coffee, ate breakfast, and then went to take a long, warm shower.  Like a serious one.

I shaved.

I put all the lovely serums on my face (just realizing now that it's dermaroller week).

I felt, dare I say it, lovely.

I put a fresh set of nails on.

I got myself ready to go out and deliver hampers to our program families.

It was great.

As I write this, I still feel really good.  Replenished, or something.

What exactly was in that card reading?

Will I die a horrible, horrible death?  Not today, Jesus.

1) The "off" feeling I've been having is not emotional.  It's situational and spiritual.  This confirmed my thinking that I was not slipping into a depressive period.  PHEW.

2) I am searching for meaning; and this is accurate.  I'm deeply feeling the loss of being able to work towards a goal.  I had started working with a personal trainer in late October...and was really feeling that momentum again, until he spontaneously shut down his entire business a couple of weeks later (this coincided - but I think was unrelated to - pandemic restrictions that closed fitness facilities in Winnipeg).  I've been able to muster up the drive to work out a little here and there at home; but that sense of accountability and routine was so important for me.  Perhaps a sign that conventional "fitness" is not where my goals need to be, right now. I need to seek out and actively pursue new avenues of "wellness".

3) I need to do more to take care of myself.  Like taking long, warm showers and shaving my legs.  But also, to make sure that I don't exhaust my spirit in efforts for others.  Working magic externally is a very "energy expensive" activity, and I worked a bunch of stuff for others in a very short time.  My focus for December - in this respect - is to keep my magic within, and restore the energy that I've given away.  More blogging/vlogging, less social media saturation. 

 

So I'm on the cusp of some sort of awakening, and I get to be my own hero.  Time to boss up and receive this big fat spiritual gift that the universe is working really hard to offer me.  I do love some good shadow work.  So, if you need me, I'll be over here, meditating and journaling and furiously studying my tarot decks. Good thing I've just stocked up on all the freaking incense!

On that note, it's time to go light another stick!

Hail yourselves!

S