🎈"It"🎈

How many times will I be getting "back on the boat"? 

As often as it takes, I suppose.  Always working for "it".  Always getting after "it".

What is "it", anyway?  Do I even know?

Sometimes, yes.  In these times, I am on my game.  My nutrition is on point.  My training is consistent and I can put my all into it.  I felt far more in touch with this vibe in the Beforetimes.

Sometimes, no.  In these times, I question the whole process.  Why am I doing this?  Why do I have to work out?  What do I have to pursue this for?  The world is on fire, why should I be worried about my physique composition?  What's the difference if I eat 1200 calories/day, or 2000 calories/day?  This has been much more the prevalent pattern in the Quarentimes.

As of late, I hover between these two headspaces.  I start each week telling myself that I'm going to get on top of things - be kind to myself, treat myself well, get my exercise in, and eat high nutrient food.

That lasts...about 3 hours.

Then I start questioning what the point is.  Why should I bother?  Who cares?  We have tortilla chips.  We have peanut butter AND honey AND bread.  That's a sign, right?

And I cave.  And I get frustrated with myself, because I know I'm capable of adhering to eating right.  I know I can stick to working out regularly.  It's more convenient than ever for me to do these things, at home.  I can rationalize these things...why can't I just do them?

The truth is, I have no idea.  I don't know.  Maybe it's just easier to just do everything else when we're at home.  Maybe there's something in the whole, "I work out at home, so I can do it whenever, so I'll just do it later."  Later comes and goes, and I just never get that workout in.

I need to re-frame "It".

I haven't been sitting here with my thumb in my butt, though.  I have spent all of June making an effort towards getting rid of these 20 pandemic pounds.  I've managed to go down 3.3 lbs between June 8th and July 1st.  That's good - moving ahead at the recommended rate of approximately 1 pound a week.  And that has been mostly diet - because exercise has not been my forte in these weeks.  I have been making sure that I walk  - but many of those days, that meant the 30 minutes walking to and from my mom's house to pick up the dog.  A handful of actual home workouts, but nothing that would make any impact.

A week and a half ago, I started using Noom (that app we keep seeing ads for), and I'm impressed.  It's well thought out.  It asks a lot of insightful questions.  It makes you think.  It helps you create new habits, by evaluating why your current ones aren't working.  Importantly, it makes you identify and think through your "It".  It's not a miracle, but Noom has helped me look at a few things over the last 10 or so days, having convinced me to pay the $26/month subscription fee for the duration of my "curriculum" (which I think is 6 months, according to the original setup).  Each curriculum is set individually, depending on what your goal weight is, how aggressively you want to work to get there, and a bunch of smaller details based on habits and personal understanding on your part.  There are questionnaires to fill out, and a coach who checks in with you throughout the week.  My coach is Frank the Tank.  He's a good dude.  It's weight loss/management from a psychological perspective, and I like it.  It works for me; I understand the concepts and lingo and all that jazz.  I have a degree in psych, ffs.  It's like a nutritional therapist!

My "It" hasn't been completely refined, yet.  I have set a goal weight; and I know some of what is motivating me to get there.  I am finding more to add to that motivation mound, and I am working out how to make it fit my big picture.  As an example, yesterday, I decided to add "being able to wear more clothing from H&M than just their bag dresses".  Yeah.  Because I am not built for H&M clothes, but I do like much of it...and it's affordable...yeah...so, as soon as I get to a point where I can comfortably shop there (historically around the 165 lb mark), I will do just that.  I will treat myself to some H&M clothes.

And so, I will keep working on my "It".  I'm a little nervous to find that I'm choosing completely different motivators, this time getting back on the boat.

They're positive.  Like, instead of telling myself that I need to work my ass off until I look like someone else, or fit some ideal, or pursue some fitstagram physique, I'm telling myself that sticking to my caloric deficit and being consistent about working out will get me new press-on nail sets.  A night out.  Some new clothes from H&M...that my knees, hips, and feet will stop feeling so sore.

What's your "It"?  How has it changed from the Beforetimes?  What are you doing to take care of yourself in the Quarentimes?  Share your experiences through my instagram dm's, or comment below this post.

Hail yourselves!

S