"If Covid Had Never Happened"
I wasn't surprised to see that the majority of tweets corresponding to this hashtag were lamenting.
All the things they would have done, had the world not been "forced" into isolation, in order to protect itself.
The world will always have its fools.
This did get me thinking though, about the idea of what might be, had Covid-19 not shown up to the party.
A few things that struck me immediately involved moments that affected people I knew personally:
- my husband's brother-in-law would likely still be alive, as he passed from covid.
- my friend would have experienced her own father's passing with much more closure.
- another friend would not still be ill with lingering covid effects, months after initial onset.
- it's highly possible that we would not have borne witness to just how ridiculous, selfish, and stupid so many human beings are (more on this further down)
Covid has brought a lot of devastation; on personal and global levels.
There are two sides to every coin, however, and I wanted to think a little more about the progressive change that has come in the Quarentimes.
- The world has been forced to face its own shortcomings in many ways. We are uncovering systemic racism, and we are being shown by the survivors, how to make ourselves better.
- The way the workforce operates and adapts to change has been demonstrated.
- Development of coping mechanisms...possibly an awareness of a lack thereof
- How many more folks have come to understand the concept of "self care"
I want to speak to these points, and though there are many others, I can't think of them at the moment. Perhaps this is where I can ask you - my small contingent of readers - to suggest changes you've witnessed or experieced during the Quarentimes.
I've written about the painful realities we've been seeing about humanity in the first half of 2020. We are being forced to see the wounds and rage that white society has been imposing on BIPOC since forever. It's deplorable; just how normalized so many racist interjections had become. Branding is being redeveloped on Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben's, Mrs Butterworth, and Cream of Wheat. A long time overdue, though without the spotlight that covid focus puts on events right now - would probably not be happening. Police departments are being evaluated and defunded...systems are showing the early steps in reconstruction.
Here in Canada, there is heat rising around exposing racist actions taken by law enforcement groups, as well. Despite denying that systemic racism exists within the RCMP; it cannot be ignored that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police were created to control Indigenous populations. Denial of inherent and systemic racism in a framework that was founded in racism, is, well...a real state of denial.
We have seen groups of privileged people protest for their right to go in public mask-less, get haircuts, and go golfing.
This stands sorely in contrast to racially targeted populations, who are protesting simply to be able to exist in society.
Life vs Hairstyle.
This past week, I came across a concept called, "allyship fatigue".
Allyship fatigue.
FUCK ME SIDEWAYS.
This is NOT a thing. I'm white, I'm privileged, I want to do my best to be an ally, and I tell you, this is NOT A THING. We, as white allies, do not get to claim "fatigue" from advocating and raising our BIPOC relatives up. It's a good thing that I don't spend time out in public, because the moment I hear anything about this being used as a "valid feeling" around allyship, I am gonna slap a bitch. I promise.
You wanna talk about fatigue? Go and speak to our relatives who have lived in systems of oppression for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. Like, since Europe decided that North America was India, and felt it was appropriate to take over. Talk to them about that fatigue.
How many of us have been working from home for what feels like eons? A lot of us. How many of us have noticed that, despite not being "in the office", life goes on, and things get done (mostly)?
I have. I have noticed that I get more work done in less time. I genuinely believe that a 40-hour workweek is a ridiculous precedent. Don't misunderstand what I'm saying - my employer expects that I an available for work 8 hours a day, and I am. I would go so far as to say that - and I might be incriminating myself here - most weeks, I am able to get all my work done in about two thirds that time. Of course, that's not a perfect estimate; like any organization, we encounter hiccups in communication and operations...but I would say that for the most part, things are functioning. It's a learning curve to be sure, but I am confident that, with the right approach and creativity, most workplaces could stand to have a majority of staff working remotely. Imagine the cost efficacy of not having to rent/buy workspace? The overhead would be significantly reduced. Offer staff a subsidy for operating costs in their home workspace, and it would still save a whole lot of money. My plan is to be able to work for myself once my contract with my current employer expires, and work from home, exclusively. I'm working on fleshing out the bones, but I'm looking forward to the adventure.
I fall under the contingent of folks who have needed to draw upon some strong coping mechanisms and self care during the Quarentimes. I generally feel this includes all of us, but for differing reasons. I do just fine with isolation and being away from people. I am an introvert; home is my favourite place to be. I take great pleasure in the company of my little family. I still miss my kiddo when he's with his dad. I miss my husband when he's at work, and the best part of my day is falling asleep cuddled up next to him in our bed - the best bed that ever bedded in the history of bed-dom.
That being said, I have had interesting developments in my mental health, and my relationship with self care.
What I'm sharing, of course, is my own experience, and cannot be generalized to others. I can't speak to what others have dealt with, and I won't attempt it.
When the shutdown started for us here, I was already in my annual "almost end of winter" dip into depression. Not uncommon, not unusual. It felt like a nice easing of stress, knowing that, even though I was working from home, I didn't have to leave the house. I didn't have to get dressed. I could do everything in pj's.
I did, however, have to get my kiddo to do schoolwork at home, which he was not thrilled about. He, in fact, resented it strongly. Can't blame him - I would have, as well. We took things easy, doing a little on school days, and feeling out the new routine that is being at home, all the time.
March blended into April, which sort of pooped itself into May, and then I guess greasy fart sharted itself into June. So, here we are.
My depression kicked up a few notches for a short time at the start of the shutdown, and somehow ebbed down and dissipated by the time May rolled around. I would say that I have no idea how that happened, but I would be a pants on fire liar.
I know exactly how it happened. With a solid emotional toolkit and self care. My toolkit has been strongly exercised (which is good, because my body hasn't been - more to follow). I have become very good at talking myself through triggers and anxiety. I've done a good amount of healing, interestingly. I am getting better at recognizing the signs that my mental health is slipping, and I'm able to "catch" it before I fall into a dip. Being more "in tune" with my mental health continuum has prevented approximately 3 dips since March, and I'm grateful for having strengthened this skill over the past three months.
In fact, I use mental health check-ins as self care. I don't have a schedule; whenever I feel a trigger, or stress, or something piques my anxiety, I take a moment to look internally and talk myself through it. It works. It helps, and I will keep at it.
At the onset of the shutdown, my self care was pretty easygoing. Occasional baths. Daddy reminding me to take a regular shower. Getting my nails done. Going to the gym. Making sure I take my meds. Working on expressing myself. A few of those things look different, now.
For one, gyms closed, so I stopped working out. I made a few efforts to get home workouts in...and I added regular walking to my day; but that came nowhere close to replacing the intensity of the activity my body was used to. Not to mention that my daily movement was essentially bedroom to couch to bathroom to couch to kitchen to couch. I spent A LOT of time sitting while I worked. And I ate. Not neccessarily more calories than before, but so much less movement really gave my metabolism a break. And so, I gained 20 pounds between early March, and early June. I weighed in on June 8th at 195.8 pounds. I'm 5'3". I haven't weighed that much since the depression of December 2018. My clothes weren't fitting properly, anymore. More importantly, my knee was starting to be more consistently sore, and my joints hurt in general. My hips are very sore, much of the time. The soles of my feet actually start to ache from the pressure of my weight. I needed to do something, because, well, it was starting to hurt. And I enjoy online shopping, but neither do I want to, nor can I afford to buy a new larger wardrobe. So, we work.
I started intermittent fasting on June 9th. I have written a full body at home program, and we have been fortunate enough to get our chunky hands on a cable station to have at home, and we have resistance bands. There is no reason that I shouldn't be able to get these off, and be in pretty decent shape. I'm not a powerlifter, anymore...and I'm not prepping for a fitness/figure show or competition, so I am well enough equipped to pursue some revamped fitness and body goals. Working out has become part of my self care, again. I weighed in at 190.6 lbs this morning, so I'm headed in the right direction. Just keep making sure I get movement in regularly, and keep to my caloric deficit.
But my regular self care is evolving. I definitely have more fun with it, since I have a little more flexibility in regards to time, to engage in self care without having to "schedule" it.
I've already identified my mental health check ins and how I've adapted fitness and nutrition to fit the "new normal" that I've learned. I do my best to stick to a skincare routine, and I wear makeup at least once a week. I like to wear something nice a few times a week, even if it's just at home. Getting "cleaned up" reminds me that I can still look like I've got it going on, even if I've gained a few kilos, and I tell myself that I'm not attractive (which is a blatant lie - I'm pretty cute). I occasionally order a new lippy, and I make sure that my mascara is never running low. My favourite cosmetics are by Cheekbone Beauty, and they make hands down the best matte liquid lipstick. It lasts forever, doesn't get crusty, and doesn't dry out my lips. I am never buying a different brand of lipstick. I am just about married to my L'oreal mascaras (I love the Telescopic and Luxurious Lash formulas), but if Cheekbone develops a mascara, I'll definitely pick some up.
At the beginning of the year, I resolved to have nice nails. I was getting pretty regular gel extensions in the Beforetimes, which I loved (not just for the nails - Alaina is a wonderful human being, and I love talking to her)...but covid meant that services were shut down, and after a couple of weeks, I had to seek out alternative manicures. My own natural nails are weak and brittle; even if I grow them to a decent length, they split and break and peel. I own that this is likely due to my lifetime of picking and peeling and biting and chewing...so damage is done. Gels and acrylic extensions provide a covering for nails, which theoretically protects them, but is not without damage themselves, if they are not consistently maintained. Once removed, even if you take them off in a gentle manner, the natural nail underneath is thin, and it takes months for the nail plate to replace itself.
And so, in Quarentimes, I dove into the magical world of press-on nails. I started by picking up a couple of sets at Shopper's Drug Mart, but I don't love the glue on process. At least, I don't like the little tube of glue that doesn't really allow for a consistent application of glue. I tend to either get it everywhere, or not use enough. It's either a mess, or the nails lift.
I did some digging around online, and found some reviewers mentioning a line of pre-glued press on nails by Kiss, called, "imPRESS". They're available at Walmart, but at the time, there was no way I was going shopping unless it was to my nearby small grocery store once a week. Where nobody else shopped, pretty much.
So, I found their website. I immediately fell in love with the designs, and they were very reasonably priced. Most of the sets are priced at $7.99 USD ($10.87 CAD), with a couple being $8.99 USD ($12.23 CAD), and the specialty couture designs are $10.99 USD ($14.95 CAD). I have visited Walmart twice since the start of June, and while the selection is pretty dry (they're mostly sold out, because errbody is doing this manicure), the nails are priced at $8.97 CAD/set there.
So, I've ordered every design in this line that has appealed to me. I get 2 solid manicures out of each kit, and they stay on for around 10 days on average. I've seen that if you add a little glue in addition to the adhesive that is already on the nail, you can get a safe 2 weeks out of a manicure. Thus, I am obsessed with these nails. Signed, sealed, and delivered. I highly recommend giving them a shot if you're looking for a pretty manicure but aren't comfortable going to the salon, yet.
I've even gotten my mom to use them, as she was saying that her nails were becoming more brittle recently. She's been wearing her first set for over a week now, and only one has lifted to where it should be replaced. She's not easy on them, either. She hand washes dishes, and bakes bread. She gets in there, and they're still anchored on.
There are so many things we all might have missed if covid had never happened. Yes, we'd still be at our regular jobs, going about our everyday tasks, running ourselves ragged, stressing out...never slowing down. True, covid shutdown has contributed to feelings of isolation and loneliness...and we have had to strategize other means of connection. Some of us have adapted well to staying home; some have fared less well.
Many of us have learned new, often more relaxed ways of working. Many of us have learned to slow down; maybe some have learned that their kids don't have to be involved in every single afterschool sport or activity. Many of us have learned to deliver educational curriculum while still working full time, from home. A challenge, and we stuck through it!
I never would have redeveloped my fitness approach, and I never would have tried intermittent fasting. I would likely not have discovered a few new podcasts, or made some new professional connections online. I would not have started dreaming about a holistic witch opportunity with a dear friend.
In short, the beforetimes would not have allowed me to grow in a few new ways.
Covid sucks. It has completely halted a number of things...and given way to a number of other things.
It has taken away; it continues to "thin the herd". It has been a cause of calamity and pain.
It has caused the world to shift. But Mother Gaia knows what she needs. And she needs us all to slow down. To stop abusing her and one another. To get back to the land. Back to nature. To see the humanity in ourselves, and use it to improve humanity for others.
Maybe she wants us all to use press on nails.
Hail yourselves!
S
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