2020 Update - What am I good at?

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Well, this is irritating.

I had started this post a couple of nights ago, and foolishly believed that it was saved in my drafts. 

Nope. 

Anyway, it's been at least a couple of weeks since my last post, and an update is well overdue!

I'll post one of these updates at the end of each month, and blabber on about how I'm progressing, reconsidering, learning, and regretting (hah!) each resolution. 

"So, how's it going, Sarah?"

 "I will lose 7-10 lbs between January 1st and January 28th"
Negative. 
I lost two pounds, and 1% bodyfat. I can see small changes, and when you're 38 years old, 2 pounds in a month is a total win. Especially when maintaining muscle. I am stronger and my cardio stamina is increased. I am really happy with this. I didn't win my cut of the Dietbet pot, but I didn't lose. Except those 2 pounds. 

"I will wear a crop top."
I suffer from a grave shortage of crop tops; so I bought this cropped sweatshirt. I love it - and I have worn it in and out of the gym. My belly gets chilly, but it's called "fashion", Karen. Look it up. 

"I will work out in a sports bra and leggings.  At the gym."
I'm not quite here yet. I'm just not confident that my boobs and back chub will be effectively contained in a tight short top right now. I'll keep working at burning the fat away - I'll get there. The year is young!!

"I will learn to bead, and I will learn to make Moccasins and Mukluks".
I have started beading!  I'm not terrible at it, and despite stabbing myself in the finger regularly,I really enjoy it! Footwear development will come in time. 


"I will become more confident in my role at work.
Yeah, erm...no. I have no idea what I'm doing. 
No, that's not quite it - but the imposter syndrome is strong, and I'm doing what I can 🤷🏻‍♀️
Eventually, I'll learn what I need to do to run the machine I'm in.

"I will learn as much as I can about Indigenous traditions"
Yes! This, I am picking up as I go along, because, well, it's part of the job. It's nearly effortless, aside from planning. I'm loving the knowledge. I love the stories, and listening to experiences. There's a magic in it all. 

"I will continue to advocate for things I believe in.  I will continue to work on setting boundaries and sticking to them."  
Work in progress. Always. 
I am learning to stand my ground, and I'm finding that it is terrifying - to start. This will get easier. 
"I will commit to having beautiful hands."
It's funny that I thought this would be the hardest one. 
It's not. It's really easy. It's great to have lovely nails, and to know that I can see @YourPolishedAesthetic (find her on Insta) every 4 weeks for a fresh set of talons. 

"I will get one pedicure a season."
Ummm, I will. Daddy and I want to go together - we just need to do it. I mean, to be fair, who even looks at their feet in the winter? Although, if I plan on getting a fansonly.com page up and running, I need some pretty piggies 😝 In the meantime, I am growing a beautiful shoe collection!

"I will do my best to only say nice things about myself."
This is an interesting one. I am working on telling myself good things about me. What I am finding is that it's easy enough to stop the negative talk; a little more difficult to actually develop positive self talk. It's starting small. As an example, when Daddy tells me that I'm awesome, I say he is too. That's a big shift from scoffing and saying that he's the awesome one. 
My struggle right now is that I am craving a sense of knowing what I'm good at. What is it that I bring to the table? What do I bring to my job? What skills do I have that make me desirable? What makes me stand out - in a good way? These are difficult questions, and I can't answer them. Maybe someone can offer me some insight, here. 

"I will wear a swimsuit, come summer." 
So, it's still winter as fuck outside. It has been a frighteningly warm winter so far, but it's not swimwear weather, yet. 
This resolution will be tabled until we meet in June.  🗓️
Preview (not my body):

"I will save as many pennies as I can."
Ongoing. We're doing what we can to squirrel some away, and it will be much easier after this month, when the final immigration steps will be paid for. Then, it's tax season, and throwing money at the government, and then we will be able to stockpile some dollars. Europe awaits!

"I will own my self worth."
This is similar to the positive self talk point. I'm improving here. I know that I am valuable enough to be committed to. Daddy and I celebrated our first anniversary on the 19th, and I feel so very loved and cherished. I am a very lucky person 🖤 #MarriedAF

"I will continue to develop my spiritual path."
Suffer this witch, xtians! I'm casting spells and throwing hexes and exploring the shadows and reading cards like the heathen I am. It's fulfilling. It's empowering. Hail Satan!
And there you have it! My January update.

Come find me on Instagram: @heccinchonkosaurus
@hexylittleminx

Hail yourselves!
S

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